yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
