are you so shy because you have an std?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
