WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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