Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
