1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
