Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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