One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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