Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
