did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
