Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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