Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
