I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
