Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
