Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
