The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
