its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
