are you so shy because you have an std?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
