I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
