I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
