Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
