Duck Duck Cougar?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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