I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
