Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
