When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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