Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
