Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
