it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
