When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
