Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
