hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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