How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
