We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The air was thick with penises
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
