I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My pussy is not your playground.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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