I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
