You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
