I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
