i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drake has all the answers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
