Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
