we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
