I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
