I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
