They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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