He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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