First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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