At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
