girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
