walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
