i was born a porn star she said
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think my moral compass just broke
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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