you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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