So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
