You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
