Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
