Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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