Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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