You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
