It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
