i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
