you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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