What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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